Dear Evans Clothing & Hermes ...

 (Warning, not really a beauty-related post, it contains intense self-deprecation, a bit of a rant, and some stupid acronyms.  If you want something a bit fluffy, might be best to look elsewhere today.  Also, it's very long.  Might be best to read something else.  No, seriously, nothing to see here. Not really.)

Dear Evans and Hermes,

Your two companies are a match made in hell, and you need a divorce.  I'll explain why later, but for now, let me tell you a tale of woe ...

Let's get one thing out of the way, I am fat.  There's no two ways around it, I'm a fat person.  I'm not particularly bothered by it (and I'm less fat than I used to be these days, anyway), I'm fairly pleasant looking from the neck up, I've got a cracking rack - we shall not discuss my mid-section, lest it get bogged down in complaints about my recent kidney problems - my thighs don't bother me in the slightest, but from the knees down it's nothing but grief.  I've written about my feet, and the constant pain I'm in, before, and about how shoe shopping is possibly my least favourite thing to do in the entire world.  

However, there is only one thing on the planet that ever reduces me to hot, salty, snot-bubbling tears of inchoate rage and sheer impotent frustration in seconds flat, faster than shoe-shopping, and that is boot-shopping.

For, underneath the blubber that a lifetime of worship at the temple of the goddess of lard has created on my frame, I have tiny bones.  My feet are a size four and a half, five at the most, and I have the handspan of the average pre-teen.  I'm not very tall, either.  Boots, even Duo of Bath (who I once travelled across the country to visit when they had only one store, only to find that the only pair that I could fit into made me look like a midget pirate.  Not a good look for an accountant, frankly) find the concept of small feet/big calves hard to deal with.  As do I, frankly.  I often see women larger than myself  (I'm a size 18 at the moment, down from a 22 recently, and soon to be a 16, thank you, Slimming World) wearing boots quite happily, and I am reduced to frothing with searing jealousy that THEY can wear boots, and I, thanks to the Enormo-Calves of Doom (E-CoD for short), cannot.

I used to have a pair of boots.  All-elastic, they were, with a block heel, and I loved them.  I loved them, even though they had a tendency to roll down throughout the day, and I'd end up wearing elasticated ankle-warmers.  I need elastic in my boots (something Duo boots tend not to contain much of), to cope with the sudden change in size between my relatively slim ankles and the aforementioned E-CoD.  I've tried on boots in bigger sizes - say, size eight - and managed to fasten them with no problems whatsoever, but I can't cope with padding boots up to four sizes too big, I wouldn't be able to walk!

Writing this, I'm aware, suddenly, that my ideal pair of boots is essentially a thick-soled pair of flat shoes, with a squareish toe-box, and a leather shin-pad, finished off at the back with what is, essentially, a black compression bandage.  Hmn ... sexy ...

Actually, maybe not that bad:

Anyway, "how does this involve Evans and Hermes?" I hear you cry.  Don't worry, I'm getting there. Simply put, the thing is that I want to wear boots.  I'm tired of only being able to wear trousers and shoes.  It's dull, and I'm frumpy as a result.  I want to add skirts to my wardrobe, and not freeze to death (even thermal tights only do so much).  I was invited to be a guest speaker at a blogging conference this weekend, alongside some fashion bloggers - more about this later on in the week - and I wanted to wear something ... snazzy.  I discovered a dress I'd bought some time ago in the dim and distant recesses of my wardrobe, found myself a little sequinned jacket, and knew what would finish it off nicely ...

... Boots.

I am an IDIOT.  Having recently lost a bit of weight, I thought this year would be the year of boots.  Correspondingly, I ordered myself a pair from Evans, at 12:49 on Wednesday 7th,  as their next day delivery costs only £5.  Never have I been made more aware that you get what you pay for - or, as in my case, you don't, actually, get anything that you've paid for.  Naively, I thought ordering something to arrive via next day delivery would allow me to get the boots to finish my outfit in good  enough time to try them, and decide whether or not I wanted to keep them.

I am an IDIOT (and I'm bored of writing this now). So anyway, the upshot is that the boots never arrived.  In fact, at the time of writing, they still haven't arrived.  Apparently, (according to their website) Hermes tried to deliver at 1524 on Thursday 8th, at 1949 on Friday 9th, and 1800 on Saturday 10th (long after I'd asked Evans to cancel the delivery, by this point).

Yeah, right

Hermes are lying. Or their courier is, rather.

How do I know?  MrLippie was home at all those times, (I was only home for the Friday "visit") and no one knocked on our door, rang our bell, or even ... left a card to say they'd called. UPS left a card to say they'd tried to deliver to someone else in the building, and, all the rest of our post arrived, so clearly, other companies know how doorbells work.

I spoke to Evans on Twitter last Thursday who put their customer service team onto what happened (who thanked me for my comments on Facebook - at least *read* your complaints, please), as, according to the Hermes website, all my complaints, requests and queries have to go through the company I made the order through. And, I have to say that I've been patronised by one particular Evans employee ever since.  Two people have dealt with my complaint, one has been fine, and the other one  ... well. I'm not going to go into it much, but suffice it to say that every email from Evans customer services made me feel worse about having placed my order with them, rather than better.  Yes, I've been angry. Yes, I've broken out the caps lock. But when the initial response to your complaint isn't even addressing your complaint properly, well, it's simply not good enough, frankly.

Evans are sorry, apparently, that I "feel" like no delivery has been attempted.  Well, Evans,  I'm sorry that your courier company have lied not once, not twice, but (at the time of writing) three times, both to me, and to you.  They've cost you a customer.  And I suspect I'm not alone - my twitter followers are full of horror stories about Hermes and their "delivery" service.  I, for one, am refusing to shop online with anyone who uses them. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you.  Fool me three times ... we are done.

I wore yoga shoes to my event.  Thanks, Clarks ;)

Share your home-delivery nightmare stories here, I'd love to hear them.


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Clinique Chubby Stick Intense: Curviest Caramel, Plushest Punch, Chunkiest Chilli

Judging by the amount of imitators currently on the market, Clinique's Chubby Sticks have been one of the most successful product launches of all time.  A balm consistency, with a hint of pigment, Chubby Sticks are perfect for this "can't be bothered thinking about my makeup" days, and I have a selection of the shades.  They're easy to wear, and comfortable, and there's a big enough range of shades to suit almost everyone.

Sometimes, however, you want a bit more ... well, bang for your buck.  Well, certainly it has to be admitted that £16 is rather expensive for a lip balm with a hint of a tint.  This month Clinique launch Chubby Stick Intense for those of us who like a bit more pigment with our balms.  I've got three shades to show you:

From left to right, we have Curviest Caramel, Plushest Punch and Chunkiest Chilli (which has to win prizes for the worst named lip product, ever).  Caramel is a nude, Punch is a bright pink, and Chilli is a red-brown.

They are actually surprisingly pigmented, and they haven't sacrificed too much of their conditioning properties to bring you the colour, either, which is nice.  Lasting time is about average, a couple of hours, but they don't feel either greasy or sticky, and they don't dry your lips out.  You can mix them into new shades too, I find a combination of Punch and Chilli makes a nice bright red, and you know how I like my reds ...

Do you think you'll be picking any of the new Chubby Sticks up?  They're bringing out a version for eyes in the spring, and I can't wait ... 

The Fine Print: PR Samples. Is it just me, or does Chunkiest Chilli sound .... pre-digested?

This post: Clinique Chubby Stick Intense: Curviest Caramel, Plushest Punch, Chunkiest Chilli originated at: Get Lippie on 8 November 2012 All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper

FashionistA Secret Gel Eyeliner in Under the Radar

I don't get all that excited about drugstore makeup, it's true.  I've been accused of being a makeup snob many times, and, to a certain extent, I'd agree.  Whilst it's not entirely true that you get what you pay for when it comes to cosmetics, after several years writing this blog, I do firmly believe that what you do pay for when it comes to expensive cosmetics is better research and product development, and - in the main- slightly better ingredients.  

However, this doesn't mean that I only have a makeup bag full of Tom Ford and la Prairie, what I mainly believe in is value for money, and that means I like to get my money's worth out of my products, whatever their price point.   Take, for example, this little pot of eyeliner that I bought because I fell in love with the colour.  It's a taupe, as some people might have noticed, and it's long been noticeable that I can't resist a taupe ... 

FashionistA Secret Gel Eyeliner in Under the Radar costs £6, it's a massive pot of product, and should last practically forever, it comes with a built in brush, and is rather creamy, and easy to apply.

However, as an eyeliner, I'm a little underwhelmed, it's a little underpowered in the pigment department, and takes several layers to build up into something visible, which can lead to it caking somewhat, which then leads to flaking.

 But, it is such a beautiful colour, a grey/silver/taupe shade, with a myriad of other shades visible in the mix too, so I was determined to make this work for me, so I've been using it as an eyeshadow base, and here's where is works magnificently.  It's creamy so it spreads well, and you can blend eyeshadows over it beautifully.  It's not as "grabby" as a traditional silicone-based eyeshadow base (or primer), and, of course, it imparts a beautiful colour to the lids too.  It doesn't dry the lids out (so may not work to well if you have oily eyelids, however), and it lasts incredibly well, getting about eight hours wear before there's a sign of creasing. I've been using it as a basis for a taupe smokey eye for the last week, and I've fallen in love with this product as a result.

So, as an eyeliner, I'd have to say that cheap though this product is, it's simply not worth the money, however, as an eyeshadow primer, that £6 could be the best £6 you've ever spent ...       

The Fine Print: A purchase.
 
This post: FashionistA Secret Gel Eyeliner in Under the Radar originated at: Get Lippie on 9th November 2012. All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper

I'm not around ...

 ... I'm in hospital today, having a teeny tiny procedure.  Hopefully all will be well, and I'll be back to normal service soon!  There's a full week of posts this week, but I may not be up to a full schedule next week, but I'll keep you posted ...

This post: I'm not around today ... originated at: Get Lippie All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper

Lipstick of the week

I spent last week wearing mainly neutral glossy lips, but with occasional splashes of colour, it just felt right somehow ...

 Clockwise from top left here, we have:

Clinique Catwalk Coral
Chantecaille Lip Chic in Bourbon Rose
Chantecaille Lip Chic in Tea Rose
MakeBelieve Enhance Lipgloss
Lancome Juicy Tube in Crazy Raspberry
Clinique Chubby Stick in Plumped Up Pink
Guerlain L'Extrait Rouge G in Paresse

Here's the shades again, this time with flash:

And here are the swatches:

Catwalk Coral is a lovely full-coverage coral shade, with a slightly whitened base.  It's rather difficult to wear (occasionally I feel like it's wearing me) but I love it regardless.  The two Chantecaille Lip Chics are old favourites, of which I'm going to need a back up of both soon.  The Makebelieve is a lovely gloss for wearing alone, as it contains a tiny amount of shimmer, drawing attention to the lips without feeling gritty, or making it look like you've been snacking on fairy wings.  It's been ages since I wore a Lancome Juicy Tube, and their sticky fruitiness hasn't altered in the slightest in the intervening years.  This isn't a bad thing, btw ... The Clinique Chubby Stick is a limited edition sold in aid of Breast Cancer, it's a really lovely pink shade, and very cheering.  The Guerlain L'Extrait is one of my very favourite things a richly pigmented pink that lasts for hours.

And, here's the aftermath:

What've you been wearing? 

This post: Lipstick of the Week originated at: Get Lippie All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper

Art Deco Dita's Classics

After being genuinely hugely impressed with several of the lipsticks from the Art Deco Dita's Classics collection, I thought it was only fair to try some of the other products in the range.  I found the display in my local Debenhams, and after a peaceful half an hour swatching (the stands are unmanned), I made a selection of purchases of the powder-based products.  

First of all is the palette you see above, Art Deco products form a modular system, you buy an empty container, then fill it with the shades of your choice.  The palette I picked out can hold eight eyeshadow pans, or two blusher-size pans and two shadows, or any combination thereof.  The empty palette costs £14, it has a good sized mirror, emblazoned with "Beauty is Art" at the bottom.

I basically went for neutrals, as the lipsticks I have from the collection are all on the bright side, I thought that neutral shades would complement them best.

I picked out a black (for tightlining), a slightly warm champagne, a dark rich brown, a cool shimmering white, and, of course, a taupe, this time matte, as I don't have too many matte taupes.  Is there such a thing as too many taupes?  If there is, I don't want to know.  The blush is a cool rose, and what you can't see here, because I'm a lousy photographer, is that there is a tiny hint of iridescent blue shimmer in the formulation.  It's not like anything else I own, and it's very beautiful.  It's not at all sparkly on the skin, which is nice too.

 
The shadows, whilst not as buttery soft as some I've come across, are nice and velvety on the skin.  I find them both easily blendable and buildable. When you factor in their £6 each price point, they're extremely good quality.  I grouped the slightly warmer shades of shadow to the left, and the cooler to the right. 

The blusher costs £10.25, and whilst I normally don't like mixed palettes, there's enough of a lip around this one to ensure that you can use the blusher with most brushes, and not get it intermingled with your shadows, which is handy.

Here are  the same swatches blended out slightly (the swatches above were one or two passes on bare skin applied with a finger, hence the slight patchiness):

Overall, I'm deeply impressed with both the Dita's Classics collection, and Art Deco generally.  I love the freedom to create your own palette, and the price point is a good one too.  You can now find Art Deco at your local Debenhams.

The Fine Print: Purchases. Yes, I was that impressed.

This post: Art Deco Dita's Classics originated at: Get Lippie All rights reserved. If you are not reading this post at Get Lippie, then this content has been stolen by a scraper