Beauty Without Fuss

Thursday 3 July 2014

Soap & Glory Sit Tight Super Intense 4-D

By Luke & Laurin

Luke says: 

Soap & Glory always approach beauty with an excellent sense of humour, and frankly I’m sucked in by it. I know that there are people who don’t like their packaging talking to them, but I rather enjoy it if it’s done well. So, when you have a cream that is essentially about spending a little bit of time rubbing something onto your bottom twice a day, you can imagine that S&G had a few funnies up their sleeve. Enter the new Sit Tight Super Intense 4-D. Revisited, and slightly re-formulated for 2014 this is the new Firming and Smoothing treatment gel.

Right off the mark here, I am very careful to not use the words ‘anti cellulite’ as nowhere does this claim to be that type of product. And let’s face it, none of us are really sucked into that hype now are we? The product is merely claiming a feeling of firmness after 14 days use, recommended application of twice a day. With lofty sounding ingredients like Pinkpepperslim-Lip-FBTM derived from pink pepper berries (as if that wasn’t clear) and the Pressocapsular FirmplusTM and FirmigenTM Caffeine thrown in for good measure along with Sweet Orange Peel (the irony) Glycerin and Olive Oil. The Super Intense also claims, as did the previous version, to work when you’re actually sitting down as well by bursting the little nano sized capsules of all the goodness mentioned above.

In theory this is an excellent idea: that even by being sat on ones posterior the product will be working to firm up sagging or droopage. So, fast forward to me in the mornings post shower using the massager (handily included on the end of the tube) rubbing this vigorously into my backside, and love handles. All this in front of a full length mirror, although why I am not sure. It’s not like I am in any doubt as to where my butt is!

The sensation: How can I describe this? The box claims you can feel it working almost instantly, and this is no lie. The previous incarnation of this product was quite intense, so the now one being SUPER intense does to some extent live up to its name. How to describe it? Well, imagine if you will, squatting in a hot bath, standing up and then having a fan of cold air blowing rather forcefully on your slightly red skin. It’s not quite a menthol sort of coolness that occurs, but more a peppery sensation where you are unable to quite pin point whether it’s burning or just plain cold. Uncomfortable? No. Unnerving? Slightly. Fun? Most definitely. It never failed to bring a smile to my face. Also, having to go and mingle with housemates (once dressed) and grinning to yourself about the party that was going on on your rear end, for some reason pleased me. I can, however, understand that I find pleasure in other places where people might not, and for some this may be a little much. That said though, the next morning was less of a sensational overlaod. I think perhaps I had gotten used to it, or perhaps toughened up somewhat. Still some tingling, but not nearly as loud as the very first application. Perhaps this was for the best.

As for firmness, well. Let me be clear. There is nothing firm about the lower half of my body. I am blessed/cursed (depending on your cultural preference) with a very large rump, and frankly, have more than my fair share of wobbly bits around the middle. Yes ladies, my name is Luke Stephens and I too have cellulite. I like my Wine Gums and Curly Wurly’s too much. Did this make a difference to that? Well who knows? I’m not likely to get up in a pair of speedos anytime soon, much less a bikini so it really isn’t important to me so much that I get rid of it.

It did however feel rather nice, and the skin on my tummy and sides had a bit more snap to it. My backside, however, is beyond help. And If I was flexible enough to reach round to see it in the mirror, I probably wouldn’t need this cream in the first place.

And frankly, with that amount of overstimulation on that part of my body in the mornings, who cares?

My advice? Enjoy it!  RRP £18 From Boots.

Laurin says:

At the point on the Venn diagram where feminism and the beauty industry collide, you often hear women utter the phrase “I’m doing this for myself” when attempting to justify a cosmetic enhancement, whether it’s a fondness for £34 lipsticks or an actual boob job. I believe them when they say it, and I’ve been known to utter the words myself. You wouldn’t be reading this blog right now if at least a few of us didn’t take immense pleasure in painting strategic splotches of colour on our faces, even if the only errand on the agenda is a quick nip to Whole Foods for some coconut yogurt.

But listen: I haven’t spent the last fortnight rolling heated serum into my thighs for the pleasure of it. I’m single, I live in freezing London and I do not make my living in the adult film industry, so I’m the only one who regularly sees my thighs. In this case, I’ve been napalming my ass every morning because I’m vain and...actually, that’s it. Vanity is the only rational explanation for why I might be swayed by the promise of another anti-cellulite potion when I know good and well they aren’t permanent fixes.

I love Soap and Glory products. I truly do. The packaging is fun, they’re well-priced, and their “Make Yourself Youthful SPF 50” singlehandedly converted me to the cause of daily sunscreen. And to be fair to them, the packaging of their “Sit Tight Super Intense 4D” serum never once mentions the word cellulite on the packaging. Instead, it promises to “stimulate circulation” and “promote body smoothing”. Except that the only reason my thighs aren’t smooth in the first place is because of ALL THE LUMPY CELLULITE UNDERNEATH.

Since it’s unlikely that you’ll ever see my thighs, and the pictures I do have of them are in a password protected file on my laptop, you’ll just have to take my word that they do look and feel fractionally “smoother”. Maybe. I think. But I won’t be purchasing another tube when mine runs out, for three reasons:
  1. THE BURNING, OH GOD, THE BURNING. About three minutes after you apply the quick-drying serum with the nifty rollerball applicator, it starts to heat. This is how you know it is working. It’s supposed to properly activate when you sit down, but it was so uncomfortable the first time I tried it that I spent ten minutes cooling my bum in front of an electric fan before I dared make it any worse. “I’d tell you why I’m late for work, but the resulting mental image has the potential to ruin our professional relationship” is not a sentence I ever care to utter on a Monday morning. Again. I gather that some people quite like the heating sensation, but I am not one of them. And now, my good friend Leo joins us from his caravan in Mantua Outfields to report on what happens when the applicator slips and goes a bit too far up. Leo, over to you:

Thanks, Leo. Don’t forget to swing by the pharmacy on your way back into town.
  1. You’re supposed to apply this twice a day. I can just about remember to do it once. Also, see Reason 1.
  2. The pseudo-scientific language on the box makes me wonder if an angry Aldous Huxley is actually alive and working in marketing. Pressocapsular Firm-Plus? Puffdrain 82?
If you already exercise, eat well, drink lots of water and still have a few stubborn spots, you might see a bit of difference using this product. Or you might not. I cannot responsibly suggest that you run out and spend £18 on it. But if you are still tempted, I won’t judge you. Just watch where you’re pointing that rollerball.

Soap & Glory™ Sit Tight™ Super-Intense 4-D is £18 and available at Boots

The Fine Print: PR Samples.

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