Glitter.

Friday, 22 July 2011

I hate glitter.

There, I said it.

I HATE glitter. It's small, it's shiny, it's multicoloured, to some beauty bloggers - particularly when it comes to nail varnish - it's like crack, they can't get enough of it.

But, here's the thing.  I think it looks cheap.  And, occasionally, I think it looks tacky.  Actually, when it comes to glittery nail varnish, I don't mind it all that much, once a year or so.  At Christmas.  For a party, or something. 

But I shall tell you where glitter has no place being, and that is on the lips, the eyelids or - DAMMIT! - the cheeks of a forty-something woman, especially when that said forty-something woman is an accountant.

It's frustrating, because, shiny, sparkly, twinkly things are this particular forty-something accountant's (you did realise I was referring to myself, right?) particular downfall. I love shiny, sparkly, twinkly things, especially if they are pink.  Open my handbag at any particular moment in time and any number of shiny, sparkly, twinkly and, above all PINK things will fall out of it, many of them very expensive, to boot. 

But, personally, I think glittery makeup, no matter how high end, looks cheap.  Actually, scrap that, cheap makeup with glitter actually looks okay - to a point. It's when you buy that "youthifying" product that promises "reflective pigments" for a "glow", only to get it home and discover that "youthifying reflective pigments" are actually glitter and the only glow you're getting is actually merely your cheekbones refracting light like a disco ball on acid.  At a disco*.

But worse, and oh! how much more worse, is the hidden glitter that the cosmetic world occasionally likes to torture us with.  And it's only ever the high-end brands that do this, which is very annoying.

NARS Calanque, for example, is one of the most beautiful looking eyeshadow palettes in the world.  And it cost me £33. But I had to have it. That sludgey khaki, that wonderful cream, that white that contains the BIGGEST CHUNKS OF GLITTER KNOWN TO MAN, and it is, of course, this shade that covers fully two thirds of the pan.  And this NARS glitter is cunning, ladies and gentlemen, because it hides underneath fully a micron of beautiful pigmented eyeshadow, so you won't see it in the store, and, it can tell the difference between your hands and your face, so it won't show up when you're swatching.  But, it is allergic to eyelids.  Oh yes, it is.  That can be the only reason why, when you wear Calanque, you end up with glitter on your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your ears and even your hair.  And the hair of your partner, your cat, and anyone else you come into contact with whilst you're wearing it**.

NARS of course is not alone in this.  Why, just recently, I came across a YSL "highlighter" that appeared to have infested an entire division of the company I work for.  Glitter is a slut likes to get around.  It may look like unicorn tears, but it's the tears of a unicorn with measles.

And this, dear readers, is why glitter is a plague upon our houses***.

*I'm OLD, get over it.

**I've worn it twice.  MrLippie is still picking it out of his eyebrows.

***If you like glitter - and I think this little rant got away from  me at the end there - well, please feel free to disregard this post.

No unicorns harmed in the writing of this post.

This post originated at: http://getlippie.com All rights reserved.

15 comments:

  1. Oh dear lippie! Dont go beauty shopping in Japan! Glitter mania x

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  2. I second, third and bow down to ALL of this. Thank you for voicing what many of us feel. A burden has been lifted.

    Although I now have a desperate urge to meet a unicorn with measles.

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  3. Gosh, that made me laugh out loud!! AND empathise - maybe because I'm a "forty-plus-postage-and-packing" accountant too! How many times I've been sucked in by (eg) those lovely UD palettes, to end up looking like a child's glue/glitter creation... (I also got that Calanque palette - luckily my 16 yo DD loves it - and strangely it doesn't seem to shed as much glitter on her...)

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  4. i second Yasumi!

    Hilarious post. :D

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  5. As a fellow glitterphobe I completely support you in your rant! I have just gotten slightly addicted to Deborah Lippmann glitter nail polishes though recently. After years of avoiding glitter like the plague ;-)

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  6. Now I'm confused here. I LOVE gitter but I hate shimmer. Is that weird? Perhaps because for me, glitter has it's place and it's mainly when I sprinkle my little tub of fairy dust into people's birthday cards :)

    I think I outgrew glitter on the face around the age of 16 when it was very cool and 90s. It WAS cool!

    Glad to know no unicorns were harmed! xx

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  7. Haha this post cracked me up!

    I love a bit of glitter nailvarnish like you, and glitter accessories but I agree that glitter has NO PLACE in face makeup! I've spent the past year searching for a bronzer without glitter and having found it I would never go back...

    xxx

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  8. I like glitter and sparkle but I agree sometimes it looks cheap. Maybe I'm just bitter cos I can't apply glitter shadow without glitter getting everywhere!

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  9. Hee heee!!! Did the glitter get up your nose by any chance........ ;)

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  10. Haha I hear you! I *do* love glitter but in my old age have downsized to glimmer, or sheen. And I even struggle to incorporate these without them looking like fine line (who am I kidding?!) highlighters!

    I have a beautiful pale gold NARS e/s (forget shade) which I don't use for exactly the same reasons.

    Nic x

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  11. Loved this post! I agree, the problem is that it gets around. Everywhere! I like glitter polishes and some glitter on the eyes and that's about it.

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  12. I totally second you on this, I used to LOVE Urban Decay in my teens and twenties - now in my thirties the idea of all that glitter brings me out in hives!
    http://jolielaidebeautyblog.blogspot.com/

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  13. That has got to be the most entertaining rant I've ever read!! :) Do another do another!!! lol x

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  14. Urban Decay are prime offenders for this. I've got an unloved Naked and several Books of Shadows sitting unloved because the best shades have the most awful fallout.

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  15. Nooooooooooooooooo! How can you be so down on lovely sparkly glitter? You may recall I came to you seeking sophisticated, non-glittery make up advice but I think we all know that that's just not who I am (I am so glitter obsessed I thought my glitter edged trainers were Not That Glittery). Still I very much appreciate your skills for toning down the glitteriness to more age appropriate levels (especially with the hangover) but I don't think I'll ever be Glitter Free, it's just not who I am! Still life would be boring if we all liked the same thing.

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